countless of times...

you were there for me dad...a song for you today, on your birthday. i can cry, my heart aches with your absence, my tears always roll down my cheeks as i remember your kind smiles as i remember your sacrifices, even they weren't enough, even they weren't the ones that sent me to where i am, God did, with His miraculous ways. your dreams for me did materialized, but only without you reaping the rewards for you've left us too soon, you died so soon and that broke my heart permanently. as i cry and sob in writing these, the pain is just boring into my soul. why did you ever leave so early, what is the reason. like why does so many painful things happen in our lives, a test of our faith in God, maybe...but the suffering is just tremendous, like a boulder be falling and crashing on me, like a flood that rushes in that i can't swim over it, like a cancer or a sickness that knows no cure. yet, i try to smile on all of these, i try as you always had told me to and had recommended then. after that, the pain is not as much, and that joy will slowly creep and envelops my sad heart. that i need to accept things that i couldn't change, that i need to look up and move forward even how bruised i am in this life. yes, that is the way, the cure, for after all in spite of the pain and the sadness, there were points of happiness as well and i have no reason to complain for I'm so blessed and the grace bestowed on me is too much already, so no reason to feel this way, but sometimes i do and i can't help it... where ever you are dad, i wish you peace, i wish you love...today..."the part where you let go" by hem, a serenade for you, for i can't be on your grave for a visit, i can't be there to put flowers...but i have a gift for you and with this i know that you'll be happy and you'll be proud of me. cheers dad! where ever you maybe :) 80 is a good number even if you're not here. yes, 80 is what you are, today...